Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Rise and Fall of Tres Wisdom

Image Credit: R Nial Bradshaw
As a relationship comes to a close, all the warning bells go off, a little nagging here, some irritation there, a voice in the back of your head that says, "I can't delay the inevitable."

I have been ignoring an irritating, but not unbearable tooth ache, in one of my two wisdom teeth, off and on for the last two weeks or so. Today was the day that my tooth(we'll call him Tres Wisdom) decided to throw up his middle finger and tell me to go fuck myself. So I finally gave in and went to the dentist to get the treacherous tyrant ripped from my skull. 

 Original Image: Orange John,

Upon arrival, they took my blood pressure. Wait for it...180/120, they thought I was stroking out and wanted to call an ambulance. Instead, we tried some Novocaine to see if it was the pain of Tres. I just knew in my heart of hearts that Tres was behind this nefarious plot to thwart our impending separation. Second go around 160/103. Doc said he couldn't do anything until the bottom number was under 100. He said he could give it one more try. He gave me a shot and kindly let me take a Xanax (Break-ups are never easy, ya know). 20 minutes later, my bottom number was 72! Woo freaking Hoo, Allons-y! Two hours later and Tres Wisdom finally met his demise. The dentist starts to do his thing and Tres, being the obnoxious bastard that he is, breaks. The Doc got almost all of it out, but the root of one was broken under the gum line. Sooo he sliced that shit open. That shit hurts, I don't care how much Novocaine they give you, nothing prepares you for that. So I have a gaping hole in my gum and stitches on the back side of my gum. NO SOLID FOODS FOR AT LEAST 48 hours and soft foods for 24 hours after that. Can bleed up to 24 hours. The nice Doctor gave me vicodin to ease the pain of the break up, but I'm not sure I like them, might just stick with ibuprofen And Last but not least, I have one wisdom tooth (Quatre Wisdom) left that hasn't even tried to break skin. The reason? It is completely sideways. I'm hoping that Quatre and I never meet, because I hear he is an asshole, just like all the other Wisdoms I've met.

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